She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
