Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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