dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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