I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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