I can text with my tongue
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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