I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize