Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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