Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
should my penis look like a turkey
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize