she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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