it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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