I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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