found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
