Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
