You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
