hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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