I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
