i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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