Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
