And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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