I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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