So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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