I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i think my cat just said my name.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
