So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
