i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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