you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
