I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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