I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize