I wish I could teleport
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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