I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize