i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
