Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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