Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
