I was born with a shot glass in my hand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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