I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
