im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
