I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
