remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
