On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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