Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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