Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she looked like the before picture.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
