if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
