Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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