Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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