I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
