Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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