I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
