My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
