i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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