none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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