therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
