you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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