just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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