Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
