I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
