I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
