she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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