Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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