I think my vagina is haunted
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
