She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
