well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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