Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
