So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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