I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
