the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
