I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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