R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You made out with two different species that night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
