Do you still have your period?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
