i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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