i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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