TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
