Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
