i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
