Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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