I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
