I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
