Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
