why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
