Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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