I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize